Not The Arts Council of Northern Ireland

Friday, March 03, 2006

We've done it again

It is with great pleasure that we can announce our latest stunning masterstroke. Yes, we have continued to hit government targets to eliminate arts activity in Northern Ireland. Just today, we unveil our ability to hits arts provision by dramatically reducing funding to venues across this wee province of ours.
It is well known that local authorities throughout Northern Ireland are awash with money - they can easily afford to take up the slack. If they could only prioritise correctly, they can simply ignore the problem of waste disposal and then spend the money on arts centres instead. In fact if they are creative, they could probably argue that the arts are in fact rubbish and, unless it is a premiere, the presentation of arts is just recycling rubbish. My God, they should be able to get a grant for it! Not from the Arts Council, obviously, but maybe from the Department for the Environment, or even Europe!
We are delighted to announce a radical reduction in support for the Belfast Festival at Queens. Obviously, as Northern Ireland's showcase arts festival, they will understand that to be cut by the Arts Council is a sign that they are worthy of special consideration. We are delighted that the world will now know just how much we value the arts here in good ole Norn Iron.
Some people might think that key organisations and venues being cut might send out a negative signal to the outside world, but we all know that the outside world is so small minded and 'conventional'. They believe that spending money on the arts is a good idea and leads to economic benefits such as tourism, inward investment, employment and that kind of stuff. Well, that may work in fancy foreign parts like London, or Dublin, but we know that kind of left wing crap doesn't wash over here. In Northern Ireland we know better. We know that tourism, employment and inward investment is the result of the Titanic. That is why we are trying our best to ensure that the arts in this part of the world resemble a sinking ship! OK, so we may have accidentally increased funds to a few organisations, but you can rest easy because we have only been able to do that by getting rid of loads of 'clients' from the ASOP list over the last two years. So at the end of the day, you can relax - spending on the arts has been reduced once again and credit must go to the Not The Arts Council for this marvellous piece of financial skullduggery.
Whatever has happened with ASOP, you can relax in the knowledge that, even though spending on the arts has been reduced, spending on the Arts Council will continue to increase.
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